A Scriptural Study
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These are troubled times for families. Divorce is rampant, and there is currently no sign of reversing the trend of rising divorce rates. Families are shattered, with parents losing confidence and faith, while children suffer. Many modern "families" are stitched together from the remnants of broken families, a ragged patchwork quilt of hurting individuals.
Marriage has fallen out of favor with many, resulting in a wave of single mothers, absentee fathers, and unwanted children. This has led to widespread abortion, infanticide, abuse, and neglect. These things are so commonplace that they are rarely reported as "news" anymore. When they are, most of us just shrug off the stories-we have become desensitized to these atrocities.
Even with two loving parents who stay together, life has become difficult. Two-parent incomes are necessary to have the things we enjoy in life-and are almost a necessity when it comes to just making ends meet. Long work hours are normal, as people struggle and compete to hold their jobs. Parents return home from work, exhausted and irritable. Many slumber in easy chairs in front of a roaring television screen.
We have become slaves to advertising, thinking we must own the latest thing (or newest version) on the market. We labor to give our children all the things we never had, all the while withholding the most important things we should be giving them: our time, our love and our guidance.
Children are rearing themselves, with the help of televisions, computers, the music industry and the intervention of government bureaucracy. Not only are parents often not available to their children, bureaucrats would rather they be taught elsewhere, anyway. Many liberal thinkers in education and government regard parents as obstacles to their efforts to mold and shape the minds of the children.
When I was growing up in the 1960’s, there was a cry to "Tune in, turn on, and drop out". The message was that we should abandon rules and laws, each person "doing his own thing". This was also a time of radical behavior: rioting, looting, murder, promiscuous sexual activity, illegal drug use and abuse. There was a call for rejection of the "establishment": government, education, big business, and the military. This is anarchy, and results in chaos and mass confusion.
Out of this time period came the push for legalized abortion, "no fault" divorce, and a relaxing of attitudes toward drug use and promiscuous sexual conduct. In the colleges and universities, students demanded that the curricula contain more emphasis on how to enjoy life, and less on traditional core learning. There was a movement afoot to trash the traditional family, replacing it with a different "extended family". (Remember the "hippies" and the communes of the 1960’s and 1970’s?)
When radicals called for the "masses" to roam the streets in violent protest, they made no bones about it: they intended no less than the collapse of democracy in America! They called for anarchy, so that each person might do what he or she deemed appropriate.
When the "masses" failed to respond to the anarchists’ call, they vowed to take the fight underground. They would burrow into government, education, the courts, and other aspects of the "establishment", and effect the desired changes from within! Most people with whom I now speak seem to have forgotten those threats. As a teenager, I listened carefully to the voices of the times.
This was the world I was about to enter, the world of adulthood and responsibility. That was how it was then, this is how it is now: we are presently reaping the harvest of the wild seed that was sown then.
What is one to do today? Is it too late to put the brakes on the runaway train? Will we ever be able to back it up, or reroute it in a safer direction? The answer is within our grasp. We just need to grab hold, and hang on for life!
The Golden Standard
What our culture has done is desert the common standard by which we must all measure ourselves. Without it we become a shifting, undirected mass of humanity (which the liberals and anarchists dearly love!). We become lost souls, haunted by the realization that something valuable has slipped through our fingers.
With no standard, we become a measure unto ourselves. Growth slows, maturity eludes us and we all become a mismatched collection of malcontents and misfits. When life is not as we expect, and everyone else does not meet our personal standards, we become angry victims.
We need to return to that golden standard of measurement, the written word of God! I am talking about the Bible, the Old and New Testaments that reveal God’s expectations of us.
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever, Hebrews13:8.
Our Lord is unchanging: our anchor on a stormy sea; our shading rock in the desert; our tower of defense. We need stability and consistency in our lives. We can get that from the Bible: from the mind of God, through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, from the mouth of Jesus, and written on the hearts of the disciples. From there it was spoken and written so that others might benefit from the wisdom of God.
All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works, II Timothy 3:16-17.
And this voice which came from heaven we heard, when we were with him in the holy mount. We have also a more sure word of prophecy; whereunto ye do well that ye take heed, as unto a light that shineth in a dark place, until the day dawn, and the day star arise in your hearts: Knowing this first, that no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation. For the prophecy came not in old time by the will of man: but holy men of God spake as they were moved by the Holy Ghost, II Peter 1:18-21.
We have the written word to guide us into all righteousness. By sharing that word, and all studying the same thing, we can all measure against the same golden standard.
God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets,
Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds, Hebrews 1:1-2.
But the word of the Lord endureth for ever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you, I Peter 1: 25.
The word of God is eternal. God is true. God is faithful. He does not mislead or deceive us; neither does He change His mind, today saying one thing, tomorrow reversing His stand.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning, James 1:17.
God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged, Romans 3:4.
God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, I Corinthians 1:9.
That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us, Hebrews 6:18.
Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;), Hebrews 10:23.
For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe, I Thessalonians 2:13.
As the above passages of scripture indicate, the word of God is the constant, unchanging measure by which we all can measure our personal growth. We are not comparing ourselves with one another, or with ourselves, but with the external and eternal measure of God Himself!
For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. But we will not boast of things without our measure, but according to the measure of the rule which God hath distributed to us, a measure to reach even unto you. For we stretch not ourselves beyond our measure, as though we reached not unto you: for we are come as far as to you also in preaching the gospel of Christ, II Corinthians 10:12-14.
Again, that which constantly changes is no standard. A standard must remain the same, measurable, unchanging and dependable. God’s word meets all the criteria. Men change their minds as often as the wind changes directions.
We cannot trust in what man declares to be true. How often have you followed the advice of members of the medical community, only to hear them alter or reverse their thinking? What about nutritionists? One day, a particular food is good for you, the next day it is killing you. Next year it may be good for you again! We have all seen the fickle presentations of man’s wisdom!
O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps, Jeremiah 10:23.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding, Proverbs 3:5.
It is amazing to think of all the books written by men, promoting one "expert" viewpoint or another. Often, one is able to find contradictory and conflicting "expert" testimony. Who, then, is correct in the assessment of what is right and what is wrong? Wise words from Ecclesiastes 12:12-13:
And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh. Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
Men will continue to write books-there is no end to that! They will continue to spout wise-sounding words with conflicting messages. Again, one cannot measure oneself by changing and uncertain guidelines. We must wisely choose the only source that is eternally unchanging: the word of God!
And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power: That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God. Howbeit we speak wisdom among them that are perfect: yet not the wisdom of this world, nor of the princes of this world, that come to nought: But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, even the hidden wisdom, which God ordained before the world unto our glory: Which none of the princes of this world knew: for had they known it, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory, I Corinthians 2:4-8.
For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God. For it is written, I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and will bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent.
Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? For after that in the wisdom of God the world by wisdom knew not God, it pleased God by the foolishness of preaching to save them that believe. For the Jews require a sign, and the Greeks seek after wisdom: But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness; But unto them which are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God, and the wisdom of God. Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men; and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; And base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence. But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord, I Corinthians 1:18-31.
We all know that the wisdom of men is foolishness. Men are wise in their own conceits, a legend in their own minds. Just as surely as does the wind, they change directions.
Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits, Romans 12:16.
That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ, Ephesians 4:14-15.
Let us abandon the changing self-important pronouncements of the "experts", and turn our ears and hearts to the true expert: God! Creator! Father! And Judge!
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Commitment
Once we recognize that there is a standard by which we must all live, it takes a lot of backbone to stand up and live by it. Not everyone has the resolve to do so. It takes courage to stand firm on what is right, while all around, people are running helter-skelter, lickety-split!
It takes staying power, perseverance and patience: it takes commitment!
I once was told a story about the farmyard animals. It seems they were so touched by the kindness of old Farmer John, that they decided to repay him. They conversed among themselves until they finally came up with the idea of a good country breakfast, dedicated to the old farmer.
Says the hen, "I will supply eggs for the breakfast, so Farmer John can have his favorite over-easy eggs."
"And, I", says the cow, "will give fresh, sweet milk, and rich butter, for the meal!"
The fattened hog, snorting in excitement, squealed, "And I will provide the bacon and ham!"
The hen and the cow merely made contributions; the hog gave his all! That is genuine commitment!
Like the hog in the story, we need to give our all in our lives. Contributions are easy ways to salve the conscience. Commitment means sacrifice, offering our very selves for the benefit of others.
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service, Romans 12:1.
Commitment is sorely lacking in the lives of many people today. In this age of instant self-gratification, that which requires work and time to achieve seems hardly worth the effort. I want it, and I want it now! Again, this attitude seems to have its roots in the 1960’s. The generation that came of age then is often known as the "Me" generation. Unfortunately, those self-gratifying parents passed the same selfishness on to their children.
Using the Bible as our standard, we can see that we need to be anchored in our lives.
Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ, Ephesians 4:13-15.
Maturity results from proper growth and development. As we measure ourselves by the word of God, we see where we are lacking, where we need to improve. By changing our lives to fit the word of God, we achieve maturity and stability.
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord, 1Corinthians 15:58.
As mature individuals, we understand the importance of being consistent and persistent. This takes commitment, the ability to persevere until a matter is concluded. We do not give up because the path grows difficult, or the distance seems far. We weigh the importance of the journey (and the rewards at the end) with the cost of going the distance.
Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward. For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done the will of God, ye might receive the promise. For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him. But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul, Hebrews 10:35-39.
In order to receive the reward, we have to continue on the path to the reward. We cannot turn back, give up, fall down or abandon the quest.
We are pilgrims and strangers upon the earth, traveling to our eternal destinations.
Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul, I Peter 2:11.
The path is often rough, uneven, crooked and strewn with obstacles. The hope of the promises draws us on, eye ever on the goal and the attendant rewards.
Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed, Hebrews 12:12-13.
Paul likened our lives to a race that must be run to win the crown of eternal life. He also compared life to a boxing match, where we have to keep moving and swinging, never giving up. Do not throw in the towel!
For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing, II Timothy 4:6-8.
Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway, I Corinthians 9:24-27.
We must have the confidence it takes to run the race, to win the match. The reward (eternal life in heaven) is so fantastic that we must resolve to win it all costs. Sometimes the toll is tremendous. The scriptures acknowledge this. However, we must never give up, or give in! To do so will mean that we have thrown away everything.
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus, Philippians 3:13-14.
If we keep our eyes on the finish line, and the prize beyond it, we will be able to continue to press ahead. Looking back is counterproductive, as Jesus warned us.
And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God, Luke 9:62.
What we need to do is to realize how our spiritual ancestors dealt with what faces us, and worse. Hebrews chapter 11 gives us some insight into the patience and perseverance of those saints who preceded us. Chapter 12 tells us to regard them as a great cloud of witnesses that surrounds us, proving that the task is doable!
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds. Ye have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin, Hebrews 12:1-4.
Jesus kept His eyes on the prize: the throne at the right hand of God, His Father. This enabled Him to persevere, enduring the shame and the agony associated with His betrayal, mock trial and torturous crucifixion. The Hebrew writer urges us to adopt Jesus as our role model, walking in His footsteps. If He could lock in on the goal, and endure all the humiliation and suffering that His goal required, so must we!
There is no doubt that life is fraught with danger. Jesus instructed His disciples to take up their own personal crosses, and walk in His footsteps.
Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me, Matthew 16:24.
Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution, II Timothy 3:12.
Paul told Timothy that all who live godly in Jesus shall suffer persecution. Commitment means that we continue to do the right thing in the midst of persecution, troubles, trials and tribulations. We do not give up! We keep our eyes on the prize, and keep pressing on.
Commitment In Marriage
Our families need commitment in marriage. Society has made it too easy for people to abdicate their responsibilities. People speak the vows: "I take thee, for better or for worse; in adversity or prosperity; in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live." Then a few months, or a few years, or even many years, later, they leave the person to whom they have made this solemn vow before God.
If a man vow a vow unto the LORD, or swear an oath to bind his soul with a bond; he shall not break his word, he shall do according to all that proceedeth out of his mouth, Numbers 30:2.
When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee. But if thou shalt forbear to vow, it shall be no sin in thee. That which is gone out of thy lips thou shalt keep and perform; even a freewill offering, according as thou hast vowed unto the LORD thy God, which thou hast promised with thy mouth, Deuteronomy 23: 21-23.
But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation, James 5:12.
But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God's throne: Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil, Matthew 5: 34-37.
At the time of the marriage vows (promises) before God and man, the man and woman are saying that they are committed to one another. Jesus says to let your "Yes" mean "Yes" and your "No" mean "No." In other words, be truthful and honest when you speak. When you say, "I do" to the marriage vows, you are committing your life to that other person.
And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder, Matthew 19:4-6.
For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh, Ephesians 5:31.
We need men and women who will stay committed to each other through thick and thin. Life often gets difficult, dreary and demanding. We need strong people willing to ride out the storms of life, knowing that better days lie ahead. (If not in this life, in the life to come!)
We need women who respect and submit to their husbands, men who cherish and love their wives.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it, Ephesians 5:22-25.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church, Ephesians 5:28-29.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them, Colossians 3:18-19.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered, I Peter 3:1-7.
We need to quit being slaves to the advertisers who say we must all be young, lean, fit and beautiful. God looks at who we are internally, not how we look externally. Husbands and wives must love each other for who they are, and what they are, not how they look.
Beauty fades with age. If a relationship is built upon mere physical attraction, the relationship is indeed shallow and will disintegrate over time. The ravages of hard work, disease and gravity will eventually take their toll.
Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers' with thee.
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?
For the ways of man are before the eyes of the LORD, and he pondereth all his goings. His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. He shall die without instruction; and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray, Proverbs 5:15-23.
There are many warnings against the "other woman" in the Proverbs. Yet, in our culture today we accept widespread separation, divorce and remarriage as the norm. We have others who race from one person to another, living in fornication and debauchery. We need a return to commitment for a lifetime, as God has instructed and expects of us.
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery, Matthew 5:31-32.
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery, Matthew 19:3-9.
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband, I Corinthians 7:1-2.
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him, I Corinthians 7:10-13.
We, and our children, have been taught that commitment means that you stay with the same person for awhile, and you do not see any one else during that time. The Bible teaches otherwise. Commitment is taking one partner for as long as that person lives. It means remaining faithfully by him or her regardless of the circumstances: ill health, loss of income or material possessions or any other setback that may surface.
Families are destroyed and individuals are done irreparable harm by divorce. Besides the betrayal of trust and intimacy on the part of the spouses, the children’s lives are forever damaged. Stability is lost, trust is shattered and lives are marred for a lifetime.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, Ephesians 6:1-4.
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged, Colossians 3:20-21.
In too many families, there is no father. Many children are born illegitimately, and never have the benefit of that father-child relationship. With divorce as common as it is, there are large numbers of single mothers struggling to make ends meet. These women try to be both father and mother to their children. This is not as God intended. A mother is no substitute for a father: a child needs both.
The father’s role in the Bible is that of breadwinner, leader and teacher. The mother’s role is to support the husband/father, and oversee the household and the children while the father is away from home. The child’s role is to learn lessons about life and God from the parents, growing in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.
Role Models
Children need role models. This is how God has designed the human learning process. Children are not born with all knowledge and wisdom. There is an inherent propensity to seek out the basic truths about God, and the universe. As children seek, after whom do they model themselves?
God sent us Jesus, the perfect role model. He is without sin, yet He was tempted in all the areas in which humans can be tempted: the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life.
Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin, Hebrews 4:14-15.
Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God. For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him, II Corinthians 5:20-21.
Jesus proclaimed that He is the "way". We approach God by going through Jesus. Jesus asked us to follow Him, to walk where He walked.
Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me, John 14:6.
My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me, John 10:27.
If any man serve me, let him follow me; and where I am, there shall also my servant be: if any man serve me, him will my Father honour, John 12:26.
We ought to look to Jesus as the author and finisher of our faith (Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end). Our life begins and ends in Him, if we are spiritual beings. We will not go wrong if we regard Him as our ultimate role model.
We need to teach our children about Jesus, the Savior of the world. Jesus wanted he little children to approach Him.
And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them. But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God, Mark 10:13-14.
Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them, Ecclesiastes 12:1.
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates, Deuteronomy 6:6-9.
The Role of Men As Husbands
And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life; Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field; In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return, Genesis 3:17-19.
Thus was established the role of husband and "breadwinner". This is as God ordained it in the beginning, and as God expects today. We need to return to these core values set forth by God Himself, and leave off the modern opinions and philosophies of human beings.
In the New Testament writings, man’s role as breadwinner continues.
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel, I Timothy 5:8.
For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread, II Thessalonians 3:10-12.
But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another For every man shall bear his own burden, Galatians 6:4-5.
He has additional responsibilities beyond this. He needs to love his wife in a tender and nurturing fashion.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it, Ephesians 5:25.
So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh, Ephesians 5:28-31.
To nourish a wife means to supply her with the means to grow, to mature spiritually in the church and in the marriage. To cherish a wife means to hold her in great respect, to hold her dear to the heart. A man is to love his wife as himself. This precludes any form of abuse: physical, mental or spiritual.
We need each husband to love his wife as himself, giving her the same attention and care as to his own body. After all, the two are one flesh! He is to support and protect her as the weaker body of the creation.
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered, I Peter 3:7.
There is also the sexual relationship within marriage. The husband is to meet the needs of his companion, submitting his body to her pleasure.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency, I Corinthians 7:3-5.
The husband also discharges the role of leader, and decision-maker.
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh, Genesis 2:20-24.
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, Genesis 3:16.
Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you. But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God, I Corinthians 11:1-3.
For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man, I Corinthians 11:7-9.
A man is to lead his wife, nourishing and cherishing her. (There is no room in marriage for actions intended for self-gratification, to the exclusion of the other.) This means that in all things he considers what is good for her, as well as for himself. He views the marriage as a relationship of the two bound together as one unit. Every decision that is made is to be for the good of the unit (the two as one). This calls for unselfishness and wisdom. This calls for deep and abiding commitment!
Without commitment, marriage fails.
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Fathers have specific instructions to teach their children, as we have previously quoted. Teach your children daily, as occasions arise. In the Old Testament, there is specific instruction that lets us know what is intended.
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates, Deuteronomy 6:4-9.
Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates: That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth. For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him, Deuteronomy 11:18-22.
Similarly, the Apostle Paul writes in the New Testament:
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, Ephesians 6:4.
Nurture refers to that nourishing, invigorating input that leads to development and growth. Admonition carries the purpose of correcting the child when he or she goes astray (leaves the path of Jesus). The parent gives the child what the child needs in life.
If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him? Luke 11:11-13.
Sometimes a child needs discipline and correction. We live in a time when liberal thinkers condemn these actions as abusive to children. God knows better, and has passed His good judgment on to us parents.
And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby, Hebrews 12:5-11.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him, Proverbs 22:15.
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die, Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell, Proverbs 23:13-14.
The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame, Proverbs 29:15.
Discipline is a vital part of the father-child relationship. The scriptures are not condoning child abuse. They establish that an occasional spanking may be appropriate to get the child’s attention. Every good parent knows that the correction does not come from the physical action itself, but from the tender feelings evoked by the parent’s displeasure. The spanking, and accompanying explanation for it, produce in the child a process of meditation The child associates the wrong action with parental (and Godly) displeasure, which will hopefully lead him to think twice before repeating this or similar future offenses.
The goal is not to alienate or anger the child, but to generate a godly sorrow that leads to repentance.
And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, Ephesians 6:4.
Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged, Colossians 3:21.
For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death, II Corinthians 7:10.
This leadership of the father is frequently missing from today’s family. If he is not absent from the picture altogether, he is often working long hours on the job. Or he may be spending hours away from the family, indulging in selfish, worldly pleasures.
Fathers, beware! Your children need your presence! How can you teach them, and how can you lead them, if you are not present when the questions are asked, and the guidance is needed? One of the greatest liberal ploys of all time was to introduce the concept of "quality time". For a Christian parent, all time should be quality time. Quality is not a substitute for quantity.
Be there when your child needs you!
Fathers have an additional obligation to provide for their families.
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel, I Timothy 5:8.
For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread, II Thessalonians 3:10-12.
The welfare rolls would be all but empty if we return to this Christian philosophy. A man would provide for his own family. Should he fall on hard times beyond his control, his fellow Christians would put him back on his feet.
Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others, Philippians 2:4.
For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment. What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him? If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? James 2:13-16.
Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth, Ephesians 4:28.
We have heard criticisms of "deadbeat dads", men who fail to financially contribute to their children’s sustenance. This is abominable in the eyes of God! But what is often not addressed is that horrible condition of divorce. While God will not excuse men from providing for their children, women, as well as men, have an obligation to remain together as a family. Often, these days, the wife instigates the divorce. She flees the husband who intended to remain faithful for a lifetime, taking his children away to live with another man who is not their father.
Men are devastated, humiliated and betrayed. Sometimes the wife takes the children hundreds, even thousands, of miles away, where the father has no chance to be with them. This all contributes to men being disconnected from their children, unable to properly discharge the role of father.
The children need their father, at home, to lead the family in a godly fashion.
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, Genesis 3:16.
Families need wives who are devoted to their husbands, as God decreed. In the role as wife, God designated the woman to be a "helpmeet" to her husband, someone to stand alongside him and support him. Some modern women have forsaken this godly role. They have moved in open rebellion against the will of God.
We need a return to godliness in womanhood. Husbands need wives who understand the unity of marriage, and the role of the husband in the relationship. Women are not "second-class citizens" as some men and women suppose. The godly wife is as important in the marriage as is the godly husband. It is not a matter of importance, rather a matter of understanding roles.
One only has to look at politics, education, the military, the business world or other such institutions to understand that different individuals have different roles. The president of the facility does not make the same decisions as someone further down the chain of authority. The janitor in a school does not do the same work, nor make the same daily decisions, as does a cook; a teacher; a guidance counselor; or a music director! The commanding general does not make the same decisions as the sergeant, or the infantryman. Each position requires particular expertise.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing, Ephesians 5:22-24.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord, Colossians 3:18.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement, I Peter 3:1-6.
Godly women will submit to their own husbands, as the Bible teaches. This does not mean that she is his doormat, on which to wipe his feet; nor is she his dishrag, to be treated like a hired hand. What it does mean is that she is the other half of this important husband/wife team, this unit where two are made one. God deliberately made men and women to be different. They are created so that when their forces are joined, they complement one another. What one lacks, the other supplies; they serve as "checks and balances" to one another.
When it comes to sexual fulfillment, the husband is to yield his body for his wife’s pleasure.
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency, I Corinthians 7:3-5.
It is not my intention to diminish the importance of wives in families. Neither is it my intention to alter the role of women, as assigned by the Almighty God of heaven and earth, our Creator! Paul’s writings in I Corinthians 7 & 11 clearly describe the importance of husband and wife having due and proper respect and care for each other.
For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man. For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God, I Corinthians 11:7-12.
Husbands and wives are equally important in the eyes of God. The one cannot exist without the other. The wife is to support her husband, submit to him as the head of the family and lend him her expertise as a woman. The husband is to give his wife respect, tenderness and the chance to grow within the marriage. They are to love one another.
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Mothers need to be good role models. They perform extremely important functions in the family. Forces in our present society have worked hard to eliminate these functions, or to transfer them to men.
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed, Titus 2:4-5.
But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some are already turned aside after Satan, I Timothy 5:11-15.
Women are to love and support their husbands, bear and love their children, conduct themselves in pure and modest ways, be keepers of the home and guide the household. Part of the breakdown of our culture is due to a few women advocating that all women abandon their godly responsibilities.
We need a return to the godly, "traditional" roles of women as wives and mothers. The mothers need to teach their daughters, and other young women, how to be good wives and mothers. While the father has ultimate responsibility for the upbringing of the children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, the mother spends more time with the children.
Mothers have the responsibility of guiding the household. A wonderful depiction of a good wife and mother is found in Proverbs 31:10-31. Please read that description-it is enlightening! It is a good wife and mother that performs all that is expected of the Lord.
My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck, Proverbs 1:8-9.
My son, keep thy father's commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck. When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee. For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life, Proverbs 6:20-23.
When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also, II Timothy 1:5.
Young men learn much from their mothers. They learn how to respect women; what the life of a woman is like; what to expect of their own wives; and what kind of woman will make a good wife, and mother. Mothers also present an example and image of righteousness to their sons.
By being good examples to the younger women, mothers play a vital role in families. They assure that each succeeding generation learns how to manage household affairs. Continuity is established, and the "generation gap" is eliminated.
Good mothers also instill in their daughters (and other young women) that internal, spiritual beauty is more important than outward, physical beauty.
Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement, I Peter 3:3-6.
In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works, I Timothy 2:9-10.
There is an inward beauty, the radiance of godliness that shines from within, making the outside glow! This is the beauty of the true person, not a façade of makeup and embellishment.
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also, Matthew 23:25-26.
For I delight in the law of God after the inward man, Romans 7:22.
For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day, II Corinthians 4:16.
Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven, Matthew 5:14-16.
When a mother lets her light shine, that light is seen for generations to come!
The Apostle Paul, although he did not have fleshly children of his own, nevertheless saw himself as a role model.
"I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you. For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. Wherefore I beseech you, be ye followers of me. For this cause have I sent unto you Timotheus, who is my beloved son, and faithful in the Lord, who shall bring you into remembrance of my ways which be in Christ, as I teach every where in every church." I Corinthians 4:14-17
"Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you." I Corinthians 11:1-2.
As described previously in this writing, older women become mentors and leaders to younger women. Older men serve as role models to young men, as well.
"But speak thou the things which become sound doctrine: That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded. In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity, Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you." Titus 2:1-8
The elders (older men) of the church perform mentoring and teaching roles.
"The elders which are among you I exhort, who am also an elder, and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, and also a partaker of the glory that shall be revealed: Feed the flock of God which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; Neither as being lords over God's heritage, but being ensamples to the flock. And when the chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a crown of glory that fadeth not away. Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble." I Peter 5:1-5
"For this cause left I thee in Crete, that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting, and ordain elders in every city, as I had appointed thee: If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God; not selfwilled, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre; But a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate; Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers." Titus 1:5-9
"This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach; Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?): Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. Likewise must the deacons be grave, not doubletongued, not given to much wine, not greedy of filthy lucre; Holding the mystery of the faith in a pure conscience. And let these also first be proved; then let them use the office of a deacon, being found blameless. Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderer, sober, faithful in all things. Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well" I Timothy 3:1-12
Men and women in the church (bishops, deacons, and their wives) are role models to the young. By living righteously before them, they teach how the people of God are to conduct themselves.
We have no doubt all heard it said that our children are our future. This is as God ordained. When mankind fell from grace in the Garden of Eden, God proclaimed that preservation would come through childbirth.
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, Genesis 3:16.
For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety, I Timothy 2:13-15.
Families need children who love God, and will listen to their fathers and mothers. We hear so much about a "generation gap" between parents and children. This is a modern liberal concept. In godly families, the children heed their parents, knowing that they will teach them the ways of the Lord.
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.
My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not. If they say, Come with us, let us lay wait for blood, let us lurk privily for the innocent without cause: Let us swallow them up alive as the grave; and whole, as those that go down into the pit: We shall find all precious substance, we shall fill our houses with spoil: Cast in thy lot among us; let us all have one purse:
My son, walk not thou in the way with them; refrain thy foot from their path: For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood, Proverbs 1:7-16.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right, Ephesians 6:1.
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord, Colossians 3:20.
Children are not to be taught by other children: we all know about "peer pressure"!
Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners, I Corinthians 15:33.
Children are never too young to approach the Lord, and learn of Him.
Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven. And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence, Matthew 19:13-15.
Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it, Proverbs 22:6.
Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment. Therefore remove sorrow from thy heart, and put away evil from thy flesh: for childhood and youth are vanity, Ecclesiastes 11:9-10.
Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them, Ecclesiastes 12:1.
Families need children who are willing to take care of their parents, and other elderly relatives, when they are beyond caring for themselves. There needs to be a reversal of this trend of sending the elderly to institutions where they can be conveniently forgotten. The parents and grandparents took care of the children while they were too young to care for themselves. In old age, the role is reversed. In too many modern families, the young have abandoned the elderly.
And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition. For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death: But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free. And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother; Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye, Mark 7:9-13.
But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God, I Timothy 5:4.
We need children to learn from their earthly role models: their parents and older Christians. Most of all, we need children who will follow Jesus and learn of God from infancy to adulthood! When children love, respect and obey their parents, there is no "generation gap"!
By recognizing that we are examples to the younger generations, we realize the tremendous responsibility placed upon us. We do not determine within ourselves what is the right way to raise our children, and what lessons to pass from one generation to another. The knowledge comes from God.
For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord; and ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, hath shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us, II Corinthians 4:5-7.
O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps, Jeremiah 10:23.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding, Proverbs 3:5.
If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God; if any man minister, let him do it as of the ability which God giveth: that God in all things may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and dominion for ever and ever. Amen, I Peter 4:11.
We have an obligation to study the Bible, pray for understanding and wisdom and live our lives according to the will of God. If we will return to these practices, the healthy function of families will be restored.
Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me, John 5:39.
These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so, Acts 17:11.
For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope, Romans 15:4.
Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth, II Timothy 2:15.
But continue thou in the things which thou hast learned and hast been assured of, knowing of whom thou hast learned them; And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus. All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works, II Timothy 3:14-17.
For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light: Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son, Colossians 1:9-13.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him, James 1:5.
Let us always remember that we have the treasure of God in these earthen vessels (our bodies). Our bodies are places from which to worship the Lord. The Holy Spirit lives within our bodies.
What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's, I Corinthians 6:19-20.
For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven: If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked. For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life, II Corinthians 5:1-4.
But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you. Now if any man have not the Spirit of Christ, he is none of his. And if Christ be in you, the body is dead because of sin; but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. But if the Spirit of him that raised up Jesus from the dead dwell in you, he that raised up Christ from the dead shall also quicken your mortal bodies by his Spirit that dwelleth in you, Romans 8:9-11.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me, Revelation 3:20.
We need families that are born of water and spirit, and that have the Spirit of the Lord living in them.
Families need to spend more time together. Often, both parents are working long hours. Usually they do not arrive home at the same time. The children have been in the care of teachers, baby-sitters, or day care personnel. Dinner is a hit-or-miss proposition, with members of the family coming and going at different times. Take the daughter to gymnastics, pick up the son from ball practice; take the son to a friend’s house, pick up the daughter, and take her to dance class; or ball practice; or band practice; or chorus; or whatever!
Back and forth the parents flitter and skitter, like busy little ants: for what purpose? The children grow up not knowing their parents, having been reared and taught by strangers. It is no wonder that they drift away, several states away, to start new lives that do not include their parents.
I suggest that we stop ferrying the children from one event and activity to another. Simplify their lives, and ours. Emphasize the importance of family time together. Eat meals together, and converse while doing so. Get to know one another, learn of likes and dislikes. See where a child needs help, answer important questions.
Read the Bible to them, and discuss what is being read. Ask them questions as to what they think the scriptures are referring. Get some conversation going! It is stimulating to have a family where each member truly cares about the rest, and lets it show.
Turn off the television, switch off the CD player and unplug the game machine! Tune in to one another’s thoughts and feelings, instead of being fed a constant diet of what others would have you think!
We need a father, a mother and their children together for a lifetime. We need parents who will be there for their unborn children, their newborn children, their little toddlers and their adolescents. We need children who will be there for their parents, when the parents are old and worn out. We need family members who love and see to the needs of relatives. We need obedient children who respect their parents, listen to them and take heed to what they say.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right, Ephesians 6:1.
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord, Colossians 3:20.
For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death. But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition. Ye hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you, saying, This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me. But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men, Matthew 15:4-9.
Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, Matthew 19:19.
But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God, I Timothy 5:4.
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel, I Timothy 5:8.
We need families who will attend assemblies (services) of the church together. What a terrific bond is established when all pray, sing and listen to scripture teaching together. We need families who become Christians together, as in the first century!
And when she was baptized, and her household, she besought us, saying, If ye have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come into my house, and abide there. And she constrained us, Acts 16:15.
And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved? And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house. And they spake unto him the word of the Lord, and to all that were in his house. And he took them the same hour of the night, and washed their stripes; and was baptized, he and all his, straightway. And when he had brought them into his house, he set meat before them, and rejoiced, believing in God with all his house, Acts 16:30-34.
Who shall tell thee words, whereby thou and all thy house shall be saved, Acts 11:14.
What honor and glory to God when all the members of a family are Christians! What harmony can be achieved when everyone is pulling together for the same thing! What blessed peace there is with every member of a family trusting God.
That ye may with one mind and one mouth glorify God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Romans 15:6.
Finally, brethren, farewell. Be perfect, be of good comfort, be of one mind, live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you, II Corinthians 13:11.
Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind, Philippians 2:2.
Families need more togetherness, as in times past. They need to learn to pull together to bear the load that is often placed upon families. A load shared is a load lightened! The roots to understanding teamwork begin in families. Once the concept is practiced at home, that usefulness can be transferred to church, to work, to volunteerism and anywhere it is needed.
Our families will be strengthened when we began again to convince them that we are victors, not victims! We need to abandon the feeling of victimization characterized by the selfish "Me" generation. The world does not revolve around me as an individual. It revolves around God, as the Creator.
For by him were all things created, that are in heaven, and that are in earth, visible and invisible, whether they be thrones, or dominions, or principalities, or powers: all things were created by him, and for him, Colossians 1:16.
For in him we live, and move, and have our being; as certain also of your own poets have said, For we are also his offspring, Acts 17:28.
Thus saith God the LORD, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein, Isaiah 42:5.
I have made the earth, and created man upon it: I, even my hands, have stretched out the heavens, and all their host have I commanded, Isaiah 45:12.
Why do we suppose and imagine that everything is created specifically for our own personal pleasure? Our culture has taught us this, but it is erroneous. We are created to serve God in righteousness.
Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man, Ecclesiastes12:13.
And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed, Genesis 2:8.
And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it, Genesis 2:15.
We need to look outside and beyond ourselves for life’s answers. Instead of whining and complaining when things do not go as we expect, we need to take all in stride. We need to look beyond today, and understand that the long haul is what counts.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose, Romans 8:28.
But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved, Matthew 24:13.
Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. Now all these things happened unto them for ensamples: and they are written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the world are come. Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it, I Corinthians 10:10-13.
We need to think like victors, not victims! Everything that happens is not directly against us personally. Some things happen to all equally.
That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust, Matthew 5:45.
We need to be thankful, realizing that God gives all good gifts.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you, I Thessalonians 5:18.
By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name, Hebrews 13:15.
Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Ephesians 5:17-20.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning, James 1:17.
We have so much for which to be thankful, yet many times we murmur and complain. Especially when it comes to money and what it can buy, we seem to be particularly dissatisfied. We need to be content with what the Lord provides, not feeling like the whole world owes us more!
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness, I Timothy 6:6-11.
He that loveth silver shall not be satisfied with silver; nor he that loveth abundance with increase: this is also vanity. When goods increase, they are increased that eat them: and what good is there to the owners thereof, saving the beholding of them with their eyes?, Ecclesiastes 5:10-11.
Why lay up treasures on the earth, only to leave them behind? We are victors, not victims. God meets our needs on a daily basis. To me, each day that I have what I need to sustain life is a victory for me. What a great feeling to come to the end of day, knowing how richly my God has blessed me that day!
Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also, Matthew 6:19-21.
Yea, I hated all my labour which I had taken under the sun: because I should leave it unto the man that shall be after me. And who knoweth whether he shall be a wise man or a fool? yet shall he have rule over all my labour wherein I have laboured, and wherein I have shewed myself wise under the sun. This is also vanity. Therefore I went about to cause my heart to despair of all the labour which I took under the sun. For there is a man whose labour is in wisdom, and in knowledge, and in equity; yet to a man that hath not laboured therein shall he leave it for his portion. This also is vanity and a great evil, Ecclesiastes 2:18-21.
The victory is in patience, perseverance, forgiveness, faith, hope, peace and love. When we have suffered long and hard, but have triumphed, then we are victors. Hardships, troubles, trials and tribulations burn the impurities from our lives, leaving us as pure gold, gleaming in the light of God’s love!
I will make a man more precious than fine gold; even a man than the golden wedge of Ophir, Isaiah 13:12.
But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold, Job 23:10.
And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The LORD is my God, Zechariah 13:9.
Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ, I Peter 1:6-7.
Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified, I Peter 4:12-14.
When we emerge from the fiery trials of the Christian life with our hearts refined to a state of purity, then we will have overcome. When we learn to endure the attacks of enemies who curse us and wish us dead, praying for their salvation, we will be the victors!
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you, Matthew 5:44.
Let us take the Apostle Paul as an example of how to be victors in life. Paul was a victim of many disasters and dangers:
Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am more; in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? who is offended, and I burn not? If I must needs glory, I will glory of the things which concern mine infirmities, II Corinthians 11:23-30.
The Apostle Paul could have whined and complained about his troubles, yet he chose instead to glorify God. He had suffered so much, that if anyone had the right to complain, he did. But instead, Paul summed it up in these wise words:
We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus' sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh, II Corinthians 4:8-11.
Victory in Jesus! Rather than giving up in despair, the victor deals with the setbacks and forges ahead, eyes on the goal.
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you, Philippians 3:13-15.
Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds, Hebrews 12:1-3.
Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; And make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way; but let it rather be healed, Hebrews 12:12-13.
The victors overcome all tribulations, triumphing over evil by doing good. They rise above the pitfalls and downfalls, trusting the Lord to ever deliver them, leading them to final victory.
Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good, Romans 12:21.
I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one, I John 2:14.
Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world, I John 4:4.
He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot out his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels, Revelation 3:5.
Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name, Revelation 3:12.
To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne, Revelation 3:21.
He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son, Revelation 21:7.
The ultimate victory is in Jesus. When we stand at the judgment, and hear, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" we will have the final victory.
So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory? The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord, I Corinthians 15:54-58.
What families need today are victors, not victims!
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Copyright © 1998 Bernie Parsons