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Doctrinal Discussions:

Marriage, Divorce, & Remarriage

March 22, 2002

These studies examine the traditional doctrines held by the Church of Christ to see if they are actually taught in the scriptures. This is not an "anti-Church of Christ" site. I was reared in the Church of Christ and have been preaching since 1968 in the Church of Christ. My desire is that we walk righteously before God, not according to traditions of men.  Bernie Parsons

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Marriage, Divorce, & Remarriage Part 2

By Bernie Parsons - March 22, 2002 with Major Revisions July 26, 2006

There are good reasons for a stable marriage.

1. To continue the human race through procreation.

2. To satisfy the sexual urges that lead to procreation

3. To provide a safe place to rear children.

4. To provide for relatives in their old age.

5. To provide a network of supporters.

When the population was almost depleted, God gave order to replenish the earth. It is through production of our offspring that the human race continues.

Genesis 1:28: “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

Genesis 9:1: “And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.”

God gave men and women sexual urges in order to reproduce. This sexual urge is to be satisfied within marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:2: “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.
3: Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
4: The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5: Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

1 Corinthians 7:9: “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”

Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

Marriage is designed to provide a sage refuge in which to rear children. A family with a father, mother, and their children is the foundation of a stable community. Parents must rear their children in love, and must teach them the ways of God.

1 Timothy 5:14: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

Ephesians 6:4: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Titus 2: 3: “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
4: That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,”

God wisely provided the family as a way of meeting the needs of the aged.

Matthew 15:3: “But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?

4: For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.

5: But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me;

6: And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.”

1 Timothy 5:4: “But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to shew piety at home, and to requite their parents: for that is good and acceptable before God.”

1 Timothy 5:8: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

The family is a place of love and support. Men and women tend to nurture their own offspring. Husbands and wives have one another, the children have their parents, the parents have their children, and the children have each other. With extended family, such as grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins, even more support is available to keep the family stable, safe, and prosperous.

1 Corinthians 7:1 “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”

In answer to specific questions regarding marriage, Paul embarks upon an underlying theme of how that it is good not to marry, in order to devote all of one’s time and energy to serving the Lord acceptably. He repeats it in the following selections:

1 Corinthians 7:7-8: “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.”

1 Corinthians 7:17: “But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.”

1 Corinthians 7:24: “Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.”

1 Corinthians 7:26-27: “I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.”

1 Corinthians 7:32-35: “But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.”

1 Corinthians 7:37-38: “Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.”

Much of Paul’s discussion on marriage was devoted to trying to convince the people to remain single. Marriage distracts from serving the Lord. Marriage requires time, attention, and energy. Jerusalem and Judaea were soon to be destroyed. The terrible attacks of Romans upon the Jews and Christians meant that husbands and wives would be torn from one another, many would be murdered, women would be raped, and lives would be forever changed. Because of all this, Paul urged the single life.

An important, and burning, question then arises—should every Christian be single?

Jesus said, “No.”

Matthew 19:9-12: “And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

"But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”

His disciples said that if one cannot put away one’s wife, except in the case of fornication, it is better never to get married. Jesus disagreed, saying that celibacy was not for everyone.

Some men are born without genitals, and so can not be proper husbands, at least where reproduction and sexuality are involved. Some men are mutilated by others, making them undesirable for marriage--again, for the same reasons. As crazy as this seems to Westerners, some men in India castrate themselves to devote themselves solely to their religion. Perhaps this is what Jesus refers to when He says that there are those who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. Or it could be a figurative—not literal—castration.

Note that Jesus said that not all men can be accept this teaching on marriage and divorce, since some are eunuchs, including those who make themselves so for spiritual reasons.

Matthew 19:11-12 “But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.”

Those who can remain committed to a spouse can accept God's commandment to remain married. Not every man is able to accept celibacy, or to be castrated, for the kingdom’s sake. Apostle Paul describes it as a gift of God! Not everyone is given the same gift.

1 Corinthians 7:7 “For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.”

If celibacy is a gift from God—and Paul said that it is—and not all men have the same gift, then not all men are to be celibate. Not all can contain their sexual passions. The apostle Paul, in his letter to the Corinthian saints, elaborates upon Jesus’ comment about how all cannot be eunuchs.

1 Corinthians 7:1-5 “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.”

1 Corinthians 7:9 “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”

1 Corinthians 7:36-37 “But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.”

Some argue that 1 Corinthians 7:36-37 speaks of a father and his daughter. In the context, I believe it to be discussing those who are betrothed—a man and his fiancée. All of these scriptures indicate that some men have a strong sexual passion and must be married—for it is better to marry than to burn with passion, and perhaps engage in fornication. This is the same group that Jesus recognized that could not make themselves eunuchs for the kingdom’s sake. The single life is not for everyone. If a man cannot control his passions, then he must marry—to avoid fornication.

Sexual activity within a marriage is not a sin. Marriage is God’s method of avoiding fornication—promiscuous sexual activity.

Hebrews 13: 4 "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."

Our Lord Jesus condemned licentious and lascivious behavior. Sexual relations outside of marriage are sinful.

Matthew 5:27-28 “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

Galatians 5:19-21 “Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.”

Ephesians 4:17-19 “This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.”

1 Peter 4:1-5 “Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin; That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God. For the time past of our life may suffice us to have wrought the will of the Gentiles, when we walked in lasciviousness, lusts, excess of wine, revellings, banquetings, and abominable idolatries: Wherein they think it strange that ye run not with them to the same excess of riot, speaking evil of you: Who shall give account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead.”

Marriage is God’s prevention for unclean lusting and fornication. As husband and wife meet each other’s needs for intimacy, sexuality, romance, comfort, and support, there is no reason to be looking for this fulfillment elsewhere.

Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”

1 Corinthians 9:5 “Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas?”

1 Timothy 4:1-3 “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth.”

1 Corinthians 7:9 “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”

1 Corinthians 7:28 “But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.”

If two of God’s believing children must remain married, what of one of God’s children married to an unbeliever? Does the same “rule” apply to them? Most say yes, that this is God's universal law. However, that is not what the apostle Paul said. In fact, he went to great lengths to discuss those Christians married to unbelievers.

Some say, “Wait a minute! Christians cannot marry unbelievers.” Where is the scripture to support this doctrine? They cite two scriptures:

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”

Using man’s wisdom, they proceed with this line of reasoning: there is no closer yoking together than marriage, therefore believers may not marry unbelievers. I don’t promote and encourage this practice, but neither do I use this scripture to condemn it, for that is to take it entirely out of context and misapply it. Unlike1 Corinthians 7, where the subject was, indeed, marriage, 2 Corinthians 6 is a discussion of Christians worshipping idol gods. Paul also discussed this unacceptable practice in the first Corinthian letter.

2 Corinthians 6:14-17 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.”

1 Corinthians 10:19-21 “What say I then? that the idol is any thing, or that which is offered in sacrifice to idols is any thing? But I say, that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to devils, and not to God: and I would not that ye should have fellowship with devils. Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord's table, and of the table of devils.”

But would that not also apply to marriage? After all, look at these verses:

1 Corinthians 7:39 “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 9:5 “Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas?”

This suggests strongly that believers should be looking for their life mates among the believers. That makes sense, and that is what I teach. But, technically, 1 Corinthians 7:39 refers specifically to a widow—does it also pertain to widowers in the same way? Paul’s remark in 1 Corinthians 9:5 would seem to say so. Was there a specific question written to Paul regarding a Christian widow, and this was Paul’s answer? Or is there a difference between Christian widows and Christian widowers? Or between those whose spouses are dead versus those who have never been married?

Because this doctrine—that Christian men and women must marry only Christian spouses—is not specifically set forth in the scriptures, I am reluctant to take an unmoving stand on this doctrine. I prayerfully study this question often.

What I do find is that believers can be married to unbelievers in the eyes of God. Many argue that this situation arose when one unbelieving spouse became a Christian, while the other continued to serve false gods. This may well have been the case. However, it demonstrates that such a marriage is acceptable to God, contrary to what some men say.

This leads me to my next point: Paul addressed the remarks in 1 Corinthians 7 to different groups of Christians. This was done in answer to specific questions that the church at Corinth had raised regarding marriage—and divorce. Most with whom I have discussed marriage, divorce, and remarriage, say that there is one universal law or rule that applies to every couple, whether they are two married believers, two married unbelievers, or a believer married to an unbeliever. 1 Corinthians 7 clearly refutes that argument.

After discussing what Jesus had personally taught, Paul then addresses another group. Who had Jesus taught? His remarks were directed to a nation of God under the Law of Moses—the Jews, or Israelites. They were “believers” up to the time of Christ. Paul, addressing Gentile Christians at Corinth, quickly corroborates the teachings of Jesus about two married believers, then moves on to the other groups.

Let’s examine 1 Corinthians 7 carefully to see the full range of Paul’s discourse upon marriage and divorce.

The first group that Paul addresses consists of single people, including widows. As he states, the Corinthian church had written with questions about these situations. He points out that his Holy Spirit-inspired advice to the unmarried covers territory not specifically addressed by Christ. Some argue that Paul was merely offering his opinion, and therefore it does not count. This is not true. Paul was handpicked by Jesus to take the gospel to the Gentiles. Jesus taught Paul what to preach, and the Holy Spirit directed Paul when he wrote. Speaking about widows remaining unmarried, Paul mentions this spiritual guidance.

1 Corinthians 7:40: “But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.”

Galatians 1:11-12:” But I certify you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached of me is not after man. For I neither received it of man, neither was I taught it, but by the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

Galatians 1:15-17: “But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb, and called me by his grace, To reveal his Son in me, that I might preach him among the heathen; immediately I conferred not with flesh and blood: Neither went I up to Jerusalem to them which were apostles before me; but I went into Arabia, and returned again unto Damascus.”

Paul maintains that it is better to remain single than to marry. Remember that the ability to remain unmarried is a gift of God, and not everyone has it. However, marriage is important in order to avoid fornication, or sexual promiscuity, a common problem among Gentiles. Paul explains how that each spouse surrenders his or her body to their mate so that each is satisfied within the marriage. Any abstinence is to be temporary, both must agree to it, and its purpose is spiritual, so that each may fast and pray. Once the agreed-upon time has passed, husband and wife are to resume normal sexual relations to avoid temptation to commit adultery. Each party bears responsibility for meeting the intimate physical needs of the other, showing respect and love one for the other. Marriage prevents fornication, while proper attention to physical intimacy within marriage prevents adultery.　

Side note: men and women should never withhold sexual relations from their spouse as a weapon to get what they want, nor to punish for some hurt, real or imagined. This is an evil practice, born of the flesh, and is not righteousness! It opens the door for temptation, and must not be done!

The single life is preferable when serving God, but marriage is called for when the alternative is a life of unfulfilled lustful passion, which can lead to fornication.

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